Well, well, well...

Hey Y'all! I know, you're wondering, "Who's this chick?" It's been way too long! This won't be a long update post, or empty promises about posting more. Honestly- I don't think about this blog daily. What it is is a little update on life & what I want to do with this blog from here on out.

This blog was my baby for so long! In the midst of life changes like buying our first home, becoming a foster home, having our first foster children here for 6 months until they moved on. More health setbacks. Tough realizations about how much our lives have changed from when we met to now dealing with my health issues stopping us from being who we were. Lots & lots of changes! This blog was shoved not only on the back burner, but in the back of the deepest closet, like basement closet that only sees the light of day once a year type of shoving! For that, I'm sorry! 

This blog was my outlet. My little space in the world to share what craft projects I was trying, what recipes I loved. I posted 5 times a week, and once all the other life things started piling on top of me, I couldn't keep up. Something had to give, and the blog was it.

So, what do I want this blog to be now? What will you see from here on out? Well, more of my life, more personal things. The Mr. and I are transitioning into & finally dealing with many things, and the blog will reflect that. Some of what you will see is:

• Trying to become Vegan- more whole foods, plant based to see if it will help with my health issues. (Fibromyalgia, Endometriosis, Arthritis, Severe Migraines 8 times a month, etc.)

• On that note, you'll see more about how we are coming to terms with the health issues. What's helping me at the moment, how we are trying to plan a more fulfilling life while dealing with the issues.

• More crafting updates on my creative journey. How I try to carve out time to paint & draw more than I have been. Also, the journey from an idea of a product I want to offer in my shop, through creating it & finally posting it. 

• I am toying with the idea of recording short YouTube videos, studio vlogs, painting time-lapses, tutorials, etc. I'm thinking that videos will be easier than long blog posts. What do you think?

• More on my faith, how I have to cling to Jesus more and more to stay joyful during this life with health problems.

• More book reviews, especially ones that really make me think or change things about my life.

Lots of new things going on in my life, and I still want to share it with you! I have accepted that I won't be able to post 5 times a week like before, but I still love the blogging community and want this space to continue!

What are you looking forward to the most? Comment below! 

And don't forget- I update the most on my Instagram, so don't forget to follow me there to see what I'm up to!

For the Bad Pain Days...

 Lately, I've noticed a trend- bible journaling. At first, I saw the beautiful works of art on the pages of bibles and thought-- there is no way they can read the words now! Now that I have a chance to review one, I understand that it's not about being able to read the words, it's about celebrating the words & verses that touch us. Y'all, I'm so excited to try this whole bible journaling thing out!

  This bible- the NIV Journal the Word Bible from Zondervan is AWESOME! The delicate floral pattern is so cute, you don't need a bible cover! Pages are nice & thick, so I could even journal with watercolor and it wouldn't be too wavy after. This is the best for a gift, maybe someone in your life is sick, or will have lots of time to sit or lay after an accident, maybe they're like me and have a chronic illness that knocks them down almost daily. Whatever the reason, this is the nicest gift- encouraging someone with the Word while giving them some stress relief by journaling!

  I've noticed on the bad pain days that I tend to seek out bible verses that help me deal with everything that comes along with chronic illness. There are so many encouraging ones, but I just had to share my favorites.

  Have you tried bible journaling? Gimme all your tips for it! Comment below!

**This bible was complimentary in exchange for my HONEST opinion. **

Watch out, drooling will commence in 3, 2, 1...

 We've been in our new home for about 7 months now, and I'm still organizing, sorting, staging, decorating... I mean, does it really ever end? Probably not. Especially because the decorations and style I love is the whole rustic/cozy, Joanna Gaines style. And thank you to Joanna for making this style popular now because I don't have to scour antique shops for 5 years to find the right pieces. I can find things I love everywhere!  And y'all, how cute are these items?! I'm drooling over here! Let's take a closer look, shall we?

   Normally, each New Year's Eve, I choose a new word of the year to focus on. (You can check out posts for previous words of the year here)  It's a great way to improve yourself or your life and just gives you at least one thing to start working on. I never do resolutions because to me, it puts way too much pressure on you. I'd rather work towards something than take something away.

  BUT, when I saw this pillow,  I fell in love! These words/phrases are everything that I want to work on this year, but I couldn't narrow it down to just one word. So, I'm just going to use this pillow as my words to focus on. It's inspired me already, and it's not even New Year's! To have your yearly inspiration on throw pillow is awesome! Sort of in your face, a constant reminder, and that's perfect for me! 

  This pillowcase is made with thick material, and I know it looks like burlap (which is so cute) but, it's not! It's so soft!  You can either buy a pillow form to put in it, or you can do like I did & buy a bag of batting, filling it yourself. It'll work nice both ways. 

  The next thing I'm drooling over lately is this wall plaque. HELLLOOOOOO Anne Shirley! If you know me, you know that Anne was my first BFF. Just a couple of months ago, I did a re-read of the whole Anne of Green Gables series. You know, the story just seems to get better each time I read it.

  I mean, how can you go wrong with this sign? It brings my love of Anne, combined with one of my favorite bible verses, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

  It reminds me that tomorrow is a new day, always fresh, loads of potential to make it into anything I want. With battling a chronic illness, sometimes you need a gentle nudge to remind you of that. For me, it reminds me 1. of God's faithfulness to us & 2. That no matter how much pain I will be in, I determine my attitude for the day. If I didn't succeed in keeping an upbeat attitude today, I can tomorrow. What it boils down to is: it's all about your attitude and outlook on life, not your circumstances or pain level. Right?

Do you use home decor to remind yourself of things? Comment below!

* I received these items complimentary for my honest opinions.*

Padma Lakshmi Speaking out

I LOVE that Padma is able to get on a national platform and speak out about Endometriosis. Please check out this video from the Katie Couric show.

 

"More people will get Endometriosis than will get Breast Cancer, and yet, we don't really know about it." Padma Lakshmi

Padma also has a Blossom Ball every year to raise money for research. Check out the website- Endo Found

Weekly Wishes- The Thank You Edition

First, I would like to thank the amazing ladies who took the time to send me a sweet comment after posting my battle with Endometriosis. Your support meant so much to me and made telling my story a little softer on the emotions! Thank you.

Next, I need to update you on my wishes!  Here are my wishes from last week:

I link up with The Nectar Collective for Weekly Wishes. This is an opportunity to share your wishes, goals, and or dreams with everyone. For me, it's a way to hold me accountable to get things done and off my to do list!

So here goes:

1. Mail off packages to family and friends!  I have about 3 packages that I just need to gather everything and send off. It's just difficult while you're waiting on other items! Don't get me wrong, I love the flat rate boxes from the USPS, but at $16 a pop, I want to cram as much stuff as I can into it! Ehhhhh..... Still haven't mailed the packages! We had another round of snow and I just refused to get out of the house! :)

2. Make ocean themed decor. I've come to the conclusion that I need beachy themed items around me to be happy. If I can't live by the ocean, then I want to at least pretend! So, I have tons of sea glass that I collected over the three years we lived on Oahu, and I just don't want it sitting there in a box. Sounds good right? Right! DONE and DONE! I can't wait to share the end results with a home tour coming up this week! EKKK!

3. Finish online photography class. I signed up for an online photography class a few months ago through Groupon. I managed to get half way finished before getting too busy with all the doctor's appointments and testing. Now, I feel there is a light at the end of the tunnel with all of that and I can wrap up all the loose ends... like this class! I definitely think that everyone needs a refresher course on how to use their camera every once in a while, and while it's on Groupon for half price, it's the perfect opportunity! Didn't finish this one either! No excuse, just didn't do it!

So, 1 out of 3 is just down right pitiful! I am being such a slacker lately! I wholeheartedly blame this nasty snow on everything and will continue to blame said snow until it disappears! Sounds a little better than, "the dog ate my homework" right? RIGHT! 

I will add one to this list, 
4. Blog like a mad woman. This is the deal, I have creativity flowing out of my pores. From blog post ideas, to paintings, to sketches, to books (yes, I have a book idea and am so eager to finally write it) and even crafts for personal and designs to the Etsy store. My problem is that there aren't enough hours in the day nor energy in my body to carry out everything that is stuck in my head. And once an idea pops into my brain, it will not get wiped until it is complete. I write it down, I start things, I half complete them, but it makes a huge mess because of all the half finished things! So, my plan this week is to dedicate myself to finishing all of the half post drafts I have, and schedule them! I need to clear them from my brain and then *fingers crossed* I can concentrate on finishing the projects I have laying around! Yes! I love this plan! 

Reading this back, it sounds like I have ADD, and you know, I probably do, not saying there is anything wrong with it. But I just feel like I get too excited about an idea or project and don't have enough discipline to wait until I finish something else. Do any of you have this too? Please share your tips with me! 

Never share- Endo story

*I'm going to introduce this post as the Never Share Endo Story because it was just that- a post that I vowed to never share. My heartache and pain overwhelmed me one day and I just thought if I wrote it out that maybe I'd release some of the pain. I never planned on sharing this, but I feel if we are going to get closer to a cure, more people need to know. And since this incurable disease continues to rip my life apart, why not spread awareness during the official Endometriosis Awareness Month? I had to share it. And there will be many posts about this disease throughout the month. I hope you support and join me in spreading awareness.

There are days that I think I need to wear a sign that says- I have Endometriosis and cannot have kids, stop asking. Other days, God gives me more grace than that to handle the whole situation, and I can explain it all with a smile on my face.  Fact is, for us, being 30 and married and NOT having kids really encourages others to ask why, when will you have kids? Do you even want kids? What's the deal? And honestly, when I get asked that question, even if it's someone who I've known forever, it's like they just sucker punched me in the gut. Infertility is hard people! If I want to talk about it with you, I will, no need to poke and prod me- the doctors do that enough! :)

(If you want to read more about the actual disease, please click the link- John Hopkins- Endometriosis, and at the end of this post, I will include more links for you to check out.)

  My case is a little different. I have had trouble with my body ever since age 11, painful monthly experiences, catching every cold, flu, virus that passed within a 5ft range of me. At age 18, I went to my first ob/gyn and she suspected it was Endometriosis, and put me on birth control. I say suspected because the only way to confirm the diagnosis is with exploratory surgery. At 21, I had a laparoscopy done of my abdomen and they found Stage 4 Endometriosis (the worst kind) - everywhere. Not only on all of my reproductive organs, but growing up my ab muscles, covering my intestines and attaching them to themselves, outside of my lungs and had even attached on the outside of my heart sac. She said it's as if an Endometriosis bomb had went off inside my body cavity. The doctor lasered off what she could, but then it was on to birth control that prevented me from having a monthly cycle in hopes that by suppressing the estrogen that it would control the Endometriosis and it wouldn't get any worse than it was.

  Fast forward a few painful years to 24- my life was nothing but pain and not being able to fully live without pain medicine, that I didn't want to take. I couldn't work as they would probably fire me for taking too many sick days. The pain was unbearable to the point that it was impossible to do any housework, to even go shopping, much less any fun get-together or event. My mental state as well as my relationships were at an all time low. I simply could not go on.  After praying day in and day out, (and boy was my faith tested to it's limits at this time)  and coming to the conclusion that I couldn't possibly deal with this anymore, I had to get my life back, I went back for another surgery. This doctor specialized in Endometriosis and it's very rare to find one that does (thanks to God for sending me to him). I was so thankful that he agreed to take me as a patient. Having studied my chart & files, he called me in and we discussed options. He was willing to go into this as a "clean up surgery" meaning going in and getting rid off any adhesion he could, saying that this could possibly leave my reproductive organs for a few more years, only lessening the pain a tiny bit.

  Then, he brought up the bad news- if he went in and there wasn't any good parts of the reproductive organs, would I be OK with a partial hysterectomy. Let me just stop and say this here, I was raised Catholic. Hence the reason why I didn't get to an ob/gyn before 18. Not that I disagree with my parents decision, but the thought of taking birth control much less having surgeries that prevented my God given right to have as many children as God wanted me to have, was not okay with my parents. I love them dearly for raising me with such strong faith because if it weren't for that faith, I would probably be... well, who knows where I would be and what state I would be in right now. But I know that I wouldn't be the person I am today without that faith.

Continuing, the surgery lasted hours longer than expected, and he came out to tell my family that there was nothing he could save. All of my reproductive organs were completely demolished by this retched disease and he had to remove everything. EVERYTHING. A radical hysterectomy.  I was 24 and would never be able to conceive, carry, or birth my own child. Since this is not what we fully expected, harvesting and freezing my eggs was never brought up beforehand. The doctor and I both thought he could clean it out a bit, and give me a few years to try to have a child. But this wasn't what was in the cards for me. My body was a war zone between it and Endometriosis, and Endometriosis had won.

This is so difficult to talk about. Y'all, as I said in the beginning of this post, I never wanted to share this. It hurts too much to go back to surgery day when I woke up and my Mama had to tell me that the Doctor had removed everything, and that I would never be rid of this disease, that I would have to be on Hormone Replacement Therapy for the rest of my life, and that I would never have my own children. It hurts so much to relive what I felt for the next months to years, as I frantically tried to get a grip on what had happened to me, and what would never happen to me...carrying a child. The long months and years of trying to figure out why this happened to me. My whole family jokes that everyone is "Fertile Myrtles" and have no trouble having babies. WHY ME?

Million Women March 2014

    I sit here with a tear stained face, typing this despite of how much pain it brings because if I can reach just one girl, just one, and give her the hope and tell her about the love that God can give you, and how He can comfort you during the rough days, then all of this will be worth it. God is the only one, the only thing, my only comfort during that time, as well as this time. HE is the one who didn't let this disease dull my sparkle. Many friends who know me, and who I have chosen to share my story with, simply cannot believe that I have so much happiness and love left after everything I've been through. And I give it all up to God.

So please, if there isn't anything else you do for me, please share this post, share a photo, just spread some sort of awareness for this disease so that one day we can have a cure. Even if I will never be cured, just to know that they are coming close to a cure will give me so much hope!

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Check out more info on this disease and ways you can help!

Endometrosis.org
Endometriosis Research Center
Fight Like A Girl Club
Million Women March 2014

And please don't feel like I am doing this for any other reason other than spreading awareness. I want to encourage others, to help them in any way I can. And for me, telling this story is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Something I never wanted to do, but I felt like God was encouraging me, telling me to share it, to give hope to others and shed some light on this disease to those who might not know about it. He assured me that everything would be OK, and you know what, as much as it hurts to type it out, I feel a sense of calm and peace about it. :)